Tag Archives: Love

Find Your Valentine

Valentine’s Day is here once again, a time to reflect on our love experience(s) in life! One either feels grateful, doubtful or lonely depending on how we evaluate. Since our mind paints the picture and is in charge of how we feel, it is only appropriate to write of my experiences on this topic to point out how our perceptions can make everything feel rosy or clouded. A great opportunity to evaluate our perception and develop awareness of what love truly is and not what we have come to believe it should look like before we can feel good.

I was under a cloud for years despite trying to keep my love alive as there was always a nagging voice that kept me feeling unfulfilled. Do yourself a favor and avoid feeling lost and confused for years to avoid feeling like a lonely goose this Valentine’s Day, if possible. Yes, it is easier said than done, but I know now that I know that it is easy if you only shift your thinking. I wished a sensible person in my life had pointed out that simple truth to me many years ago so that I could have avoided all those years of agony, confusions, feeling lonely, and stressed. Actually worst… depressed! But rather than getting clear messages to understand what true love is, I was being mislead by external and internal voices as most of us are. The root problem is complex and negative as how we all are in some sort of matrix [believe system] and continue unknowingly to keep ourselves and each other there. Life is ironic yet it has helped me to isolate myself that has given me the opportunity to think outside of the box to organize and correctly evaluate thoughts/feelings so that I can teach myself and pass them onto others. The point was, has been, and continues to be that if one learns to accept all as present with love and acts in love, one will see the blessings and feel happy. I finally did benefit from shifting and correcting my believe system to embrace all as God has given to me rather than questioning it.

Regardless of what mood you are in this Valentine’s Day, being deeply grateful for all the blessings presently existing in your life will bring love to your heart immediately. Remind yourself that your true love should be You and all your blessings. The saying “love thyself” is simple yet profound as it is the truth. Do not wait for external love to feel love in your heart. Love is all around you. Only then can you love the world and the world will love you back for shining bright. With these thoughts, here goes my ‘love’ story…

During Carnival 1985, Heinz and I first met in the city circle Sülz within Cologne on line 7 subway. He caught my eyes quickly as he was cute and yummy, dressed up almost looking like a Viking with his spiky hairs, carefully styled to stand up. He was adorable. Heinz was accompanied by his class mates. A guy named Frank who was an outspoken gay man from his group asked for my comb to tease up his hair. I quickly learned that they were all attending a party that night that I too was going to as well. Common friends introduced us and to say the least, our relationship has continued  for 33 years.

Both him and I have been assessing our relationship as our only choice with our limitations and prospects based on our believe system. So destiny made us stay together for a solid 26 year ever since we sat foot here in the States. Initially my ‘happy go lucky’ attitude at that age just wanted to have fun and didn’t judge him. However, I recall I quickly started judging as I was taking into consideration many ugly voices and opinions that would leave me unhappy with my choice. I am Persian, he is German, I am adventurous, he tends to hate taking risks, I am totally into communication and evaluation while having my head into everything, he is mostly minding his business taking care of things, I am curious and he likes the known and sticks to it, and on and on and on and on. You get the picture! The list of our differences between us were too staggering to ignore. So naturally with all my being I pushed to someday get out of it once I feel ready as in my head I continued to tell myself that we are too different to make anything work. I had tried for that many years with no avail. So I thought I was clever by at least preparing myself while bitching for the leap jump. His less than expected behaviors continued to confirm to me that he was completely wrong for me and that I must get out. So I would portray that too and as law of attraction works, which is any repeated thoughts and feelings are send signals to our universe, expressing what we want, insisted in my head that I must repel him. So I finally did strategies my way out.

However, come to find out that I was so wrong! He has been the perfect match for me. After I tried to finally find peace, I discovered through deep evaluations how he has shaped me into the woman that I am today and how much I appreciate his friendship and loyalty. Compared to the men I have ran into in an effort to find proper love, he is an angel and a gentlemen with a kind heart, just not the picture perfect man as society, including me, pictures nor expects. Our separation  forced me to remain focused on what has made us work rather why we haven’t. Now, I appreciate how it all transpired to our benefits even more as I know we both will be better human beings due to our personal sacrifices taken out of love, to both our dismays we did act in love. It’s pretty clear that it all happened to our benefits because knowingly or unknowingly we chose the path of love vs hate. So never underestimate the power of love. The longevity, built memories, and lessons learned as well as taught are invaluable and irreplaceable experiences of my life. So is his friendship. These are examples of our God given blessings that we ignore due to our wrong believe systems. It’s a form of displaying ungratefulness and I for one will never again fail to count and appreciate my blessings.

Too remaining with him protected me from experiencing what I am convinced I would have experienced in life if I had followed external voices [hate] vs my heart that loved him. As we know most men cannot help it than to be a natural predator always seeking to attract. The attraction is at times even forceful on vulnerable females. Their biology has equipped them to hunt for the best possible bait out there and thereof they cannot stop complying with that unless they learn to control themselves. That same mindset will eventually cause them to be bored sexually with what they have and due to their need to pursue variety in life, they unknowingly damage their village and women have even gotten more uglier at times to out beat this damaging behavior. Because of me disliking to deal with that ugliness nor caring to manage/tame it, I would have gone rogue and repelled a traditional man, woman union to embrace a non traditional lifestyle [lesbian] out of fear to be disappointed with the love men could ever offer. For years my logic would question my love for men as everything kept confirming that women are more beautiful internally than men ever could be. I had seen that so many men lusting and chasing after sex and power, abusing their resources [dogs, car, money, friends, career, looks, kids, anything to appeal] within their communities to just attend to their own need which is the natural need to conquer and remain powerful.  I didn’t want to be part of that ever. Because of this discrepancy, logic [women are fairer] not meeting my desires [wanting to experience love with a man], I continued to engage in self-sabotaging behaviors. Self-sabotage is the same as hating oneself. Naturally that self hate affected not only me but my community as well. I thought there is something wrong with me for repelling the idea of homosexuality and had convinced myself that I was a bad and calculated female who had no other choice than to embrace what I was being forced into embracing due to presented dynamics!? But the truth is that I always loved beautiful minds but that doesn’t necessarily needs to convince me to also sexually embrace someone with a beautiful mind. Fact remains that I could never ever engage in any sexual act with a woman. So naturally Heinz was the perfect suitor that God put on my path. Again choosing path of love with lots of agony and ups and downs all these years turns out to be a better choice in God’s eyes as he paid us back despite believing that we have been doomed and destined to live a life of agony. Interesting toss and turn.

Regretfully, that truth is still being questioned by spectators surrounding us as it has been identified by unspoken standard expectations set into place by our society and culture that a love relationship must meet certain standards in order to be assessed as normal. That’s bullshit. Always listen to your heart as it speaks love and forget about the set ugly standards. We live in times where we need to break boundaries to reach new shores to enrich our life’s. Repel anything that’s hateful no matter what standardsf are preaching! Him and I have worked out as a union indeed because of our differences and have kept each other protected in life. I am happy to testify that I am clear about my love and appreciation for all as it is today. I hope so will you as life is sweeter and easier once we stop our doubts and resistance to the truth as it is.

HAPPY VALENTIN”S DAY. Make it life changing! This year it correlates with Lent, Ash Wednesday. A great time to take on new habits and adopt new mindsets to set yourself free. May love always fill your heart and soul and not just on this day.

Love and Blessings ❤️




Seed of Hope

seed of hope

Never ever forget that planting a seed in any area of your life that matters to you requires hope. Hope includes trust and believe, as we are nothing in this wide universe. Scary and dis-empowering thoughts that drive one to feel crazy, disconnected, damaged, hopeless, to be forced into adopting corruption, believing it to be the only way of existence. Drove me nuts and still does at times! Practice, however, makes the master. So naturally I am getting better at managing myself. We have the choice. I now know/feel that divine powers do exist. We are born on a day and die someday. What we do while we are journeying matters. Every single interaction, thoughts, reactions, sayings, doings translate into energies. That’s a powerful spiritual wisdom that must be adopted and practiced if we want to succeed. One has always the opportunity to start from NOW. To possibly succeed in life, the first step is that we must believe, know that planting a seed is next, and of course cautiously nourish it in hopes of it doing well and resulting in something worth to be proud of someday. We have done it and we can do it again. It was with that hope that anybody accomplished anything good in life. Just witness and actively partake in your environment rather than shying away. It is our only hopeful way of continuance. It is not guaranteed. However, only doing good could result in good.

The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. Lao Tzu


Anne Frank wrote in her famous diary, “How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.”

Do not be fooled by advertisement nor media nor intimidated by power craving individuals nor by your own demons that continue to deny the existence of divine powers nor voices that keep you captivated/imprisoned/limited in your world. Remain focused on your mission. Hope does exist and so do all our blessings. That’s not a delusion. However, one must dare to tackle all and any areas/characters in life to have any chance of progression. Don’t be afraid of consequences. As we know only taking risks will force growth and progress but we must speak the truth with love or tough love that could result in a positive outcome. But do believe as divine powers that are wanting us all to succeed exist. You can tell if you pay attention. Know that only the truth will heal you.

To plant any seed, you must believe and trust first. Trick your mind. It can be done as I can testify that it works. What are the actions that have always helped me are to view all and any interaction, circumstances, or situation with love and compassion. I know it won’t work immediately. However, it will eventually if you insist on tricking your mind and heart to always have good intentions, act in love, starting now. If you want to ever accomplish anything in life, believe, develop hope, plant your seeds, deeply appreciate and respect the laws of nature which are love and now. I promise you will always succeed as a guiltless mind sets you free. Know always that your sayings, doings, actions or reactions must be in alignment with love and now, not assumptions based on one’s believe and not in the past. You may dream of a brighter future. It is the seed of hope. Aim for it.

In contrary to my believe system thus far, I was not a fan of organized religion. However, how stupid of me to think that I am the mighty one who is the sole driver of my life. The truth is that we must encompass all resources, including us as well as all other blessings to try. To reach, believe and trust that Divine Powers do exist and want us all to do well. Thereof, we must look at all our resources to piece this puzzle as best as possible together.

Believe in Divine Powers, proceed with love and from now, identify your blessings.

You will be all set to experience bliss if you start with these simple steps. why? Because knowing that a greater divine power is guiding one is the most comforting feeling ever. It is the first step in removing the hate and skeptical viewpoints that are interfering with our greatness. It has given us all that we need to do well. Let’s do it to prevent further resentments.

For those of us who presently are believers of one divine power, here is a message from Pope Francis broadcasted on Ted in April 2017. Everybody is pleading for salvage. Please listen.

I truly appreciate his wisdom and gladly adopt while all logic tells us that we can only progress as a unit and conquer all ugliness with our attitude. That happens in every single moment and start with us. Act out of love and you/we will be loved. Lack of it leads to despair and ugliness and will destroy you/us.

Be part of a change and donate to this cause.

Love and Blessings ❤️


Love Lives Forever


FullSizeRender 11

The death of our dog Sophie was one of the many painful experiences of my life thus far. But she made her exit so graceful and spiritual. It all went fast. Diagnosed 6/15/16 and resting in peace since 6/20/16. The eerie coincident was that she started getting sick a few days after my bike fall. As if life couldn’t get worst. Initially I thought she had eaten something that upset her stomach. Within a few days, her tummy blew up and was hard to the touch. Her appetite too had gone down, she was moving slower, and vomited a few times. I thought maybe she was constipated and because of that toxic waste sitting in her intestine, she was feeling sluggish. Too was the triple digit temperature weather not helping. We continued watching her bathroom habits. She would go but only poop a tiny bit. But there were no signs of dehydration. She also would continue struggling to push out drops of water. After watching her for 3 days being in the same state, I decided to take her to vet for x-ray and exam. It was Wednesday 6/15/16.

The vet said the words that I never wanted to hear even before x-ray. That he was confident that Sophie has been carrying a cancerous tumor that aggressively blew up within a few weeks in her stomach. He said it could be sitting on the spleen or the liver. We could attempt to do a surgery to take the mass out. Yet he said such a procedure would be invasive emotionally and physically to the dog. It would dent our pocket and might extend her life for a few months, in 15% to 20% of all cases that he has seen in his 27 years of work with animals.

Sophie 5/7/07 - 6/20/16
Sophie 5/7/07 – 6/20/16

Tears started flowing. Yet, both dogs were calm. Which was unusual. Normally they would  both be nervous and panting. My mind started racing. I wanted to do the right thing. Mostly I wanted to be there for Sophie and Gia so that they knew there was nothing to fear in life. That I love them and even in transition will remain strong or maybe even conquer this with them. The doctor highlighted that he would absolutely respect if I put the dog down. In hindsight I know he meant it well. However, at that moment it was upsetting and unimaginable. I told him that I need to sleep over it. As I was not going to blindly take this verdict and immediately decide what to do next. I owed it to me and my friend. I could not just decide that she needs to go. What if she is curable and/or it is not yet time for her to go. At home I kept thinking that Sophie was going to miraculously heal and be her old self some day soon. I researched the net, wrote my questions down, and decided that I was going to get a second opinion the next day. Yet she kept getting weaker and weaker and I could feel that it was best to accept reality and not to drag it on until I felt emotionally ready. The last thing I would ever want is my beautiful dog that has been a true friend for 9 years to suffer to please myself. And I could tell she was badly trying to still please me. With her wags, her attempts to eat, to go for walks, to greet visitors, follow me upstairs to watch me work, and some other cutesy demeanor, despite lacking the energy. After speaking to the doctor for the second time, having read all the research, and closely monitoring Sophie’s status, I decided to let her go in peace and in good spirit. Her in-home euthanasia was tentatively scheduled for Monday 6/20/16, between 4 – 5 in the afternoon. This date ended up happening.

We celebrated her life while keeping her hydrated, fed, and comfortable, secretly hoping for a miracle. Yet determined to keep up her spirit and body in the most best possible shape. It was a nice time as we built lots of good final memories with our dog.

Meanwhile I continued to feel guilty because Sophie has always been fixated on me. Whenever I would feel emotionally beaten, she would jump on my lap, lick my face, and cuddle. Or if I would be agitated or speak fast and loud, she would be hiding and be stressed out. Poor thing! It also didn’t help that my mother would claim that bad energies that were meant to harm me on my bike fall, transferred to Sophie. Some superstitious believes that she has picked up from her Persian culture. Subconsciously she has conveyed to me that it is so and I must be grateful that it bypassed me, into my Sophie. Really!!?

It was Sunday morning. Sophie, Gia, and I went up. While they laid in their usual place on the recliner chair, I was mindlessly looking through all my papers. I discovered a few local magazines that I had picked up in a doctor office or maybe some holistic supermarket a year earlier. At the end of one of them, there was an ad for Critter Doc, Andrea Sobotka. She caught my attention. I further researched her site and decided to send her an email about Sophie’s situation. I truly needed a spiritual soul to confirm that Sophie is indeed transitioning. And I also needed to know if it’s my fault as my mother had insinuated. She replied within hours and she happened to have time on Monday. What a blessing. Andrea was kind enough to put us at ease with feeling Sophie’s low energy and validating that she was indeed ready to leave this phase behind. Much more importantly she put me at ease by telling me that the dog has chosen me and is very happy with the love that we have exchanged and is not afraid to transition. She applauded our ability to accept reality and allow her to go in peace. That love lives forever ❤️Love Infinity

Her transition was one of the most beautiful, spiritual Picture of Sophie and Gia with meexperiences that I ever have had. For days, we closely cuddled lots, smelled lavender oil, sat and laid with powerful crystals, ate grilled chicken and steak together, kissed her belly lots, and adored her shinny fur and beautiful soul, captured moments in pictures and videos, told her that it’s OK to transition, and thanked her for her friendship.

Per Andrea, Sophie had chosen to stay around as spirit for a while after her transition. Call me crazy, but I feel her presence once in a while around. Sophie used to growl and intimidate Gia when she would get too close to me and take her place. Gia still gets up, acts like she’s seen a ghost, and moves away. Just like back in the days! As scary as it sounds, it is comforting to know that she loved us enough to want to stick around. Not sure if there is such a thing!?

Reading other peoples’ experiences with such a transition does help a lot as well. Read this blog post from the gifted Sarah Petruno. Another comforting activity is to recall and view memories that have gathered overtime. These activities include: recalling events, watching movies and pictures. And not to forget the support of a loving community is healing that I am very thankful for. We received many sympathy cards and FB posts. Thank you all for your kind words.

Her spirit will forever last in our hearts and in our home.

Let’s never fail to form lasting memories in life while we can and always trust that love lives forever, making pain a temporary life phase that will pass.

Peace and Blessing ❤️