The past few weeks have been even further more revealing and saddening. I have been toying with the idea on how to express these events in writing as another phase of my life that’s transpiring presently. Again because they are ironic, quite emotional, and carry lots of lessons to share. But words never properly would form in my head. So I decided to act and start writing them anyhow to let the stories tell themselves. If I am a writer, creative, a teacher, and an entertainer as I claim to be, words will paint the pictures to entertain and educate.
The events and outcomes that have transpired over the past few days are very much in alignment with my missions in life; Entertain and educate to spread love. These are gratitude opportunities that must be acknowledged. Also a validation of my respect for myself. Even if I get 0 audience, reading my previous posts make me fall more in love with myself. Which is another great tool that I swear by. Love and accept yourself. Be authentic. All of these are great concepts that can boost your confidence and increase your value to yourself and others.
Seems like all these events are happening ever since my looks and thinking patterns have changed. [to read how, read My Story] Which is OK by me. But truly sad and faltering. I, at times, despair because of too much ugliness. It’s hard to remain optimistic and pull yourself out of those modes at times. It feels fake to be positive when all is negative and there are no hopes/encouragements around you. You have to be grateful if you remain clear and survive. What has helped me, is educating myself. Training my brain. I personally am very grateful for living at this digital age. It gives me access to a lot of good resources that I can learn from. So always train your brain! Know that these experiences, however, uber emotionally charged and tense they are, they carry at least one lesson if not more. Look forward to discover the value(s) that you are going to gain because you survived another battle. It’s beautiful.
I am happy I am strong enough to sustain them by myself. And I do have to say that universe has gifted me with many blessings. One of them is a very strong woman in my neighborhood. She is 86, has experienced much in life, and is such a positive woman to look up to, in short. There are tons of interesting stories she has to tell. I do hope she gets to write her stories while it is possible. It’s a privilege to be able to talk to this power source and have her love and support. I greatly appreciate that. I water aerobic almost daily with her in the morning. The pool is right in front of the door. The house has been another blessing that I have had in life. If I didn’t have my domain to fall onto, I would have fallen in life and totally would have lost it big. But my house and my environment that I have worked for very hard to establish, strengthens and sustains me. Someday I will publish a post with pictures and stories of this magical place. It definitely carries Feng Shui powers. All of these blessings in life. However, know that it takes tons of hard work, strong faith [mine comes from spirituality, another chapter that I plan to share later], patient, persistent, optimism, the desire to want something from the bottom of my heart despite all that tried to divert me, and the imagination that I can do it. Even if not, isn’t more fun and exciting to pursue something or complete a project? Have fun! However, I am confident I will make it as I have always succeeded by very patiently and slowly adding the right tools and adapting the right attitude to propel.Where there is a will, there is a way. It excites me to think that there can be even brighter light at the end of the tunnel. What a great blessing that is. So many people around our globe will sadly never have that opportunity. Learn from failures, move on, and do it better the next time. I have been so often in situations that I consider major failures. But all of them equipped me with valuable lessons that made me know who I am, what I want or not, and how to proceed next.
I broke off with 2 of my oldest friends. We had known each other for18 years. Why? Because I assessed them as not being true friends anymore. They are also not people that I would like to hangout with. That simple. They knew that I have been wanting to be a writer and never offered any feedback on my projects. Additionally they continued declining collaboration on any projects or events that I suggested.
One of them claims that she is short on money. She loves making edible goodies with chocolates. I suggested that I can put together a website for her so that she can start selling her stuff. And since I am strong with decorative pieces that we eventually could sell together. She never reacted to that.
The last decline set me off. Enough was enough. She has been complaining on not having a man in her life to share things with. Since I am interested in networking to find investors for my project and/or seek to learn of new strategies on how to advance it, I asked her if she wanted to go to a local networking event together. It would have been a win-win situation for her and me. Lots of professional men were expected to be there. She simply declined and wished me vaguely good luck. I had asked her last month too. She excused herself by needing to go to gym. However, said that she always wanted to go for an happy hour to that hip bar in Phoenix. She said that if I would let her know next month for at least a week in advance, she would plan for it. Turned out that was an empty statement. Yes, I could have told myself something positive to continue our friendship. But what for?
The other friend went into freelance publishing business after her autoimmune disease diagnosis. Since my background was graphic design and I always have been entrepreneurial, I suggested that we setup a business together. She declined. Because she excuses herself with her Catholic belief. Our paths don’t mix she thinks. However, I truly have been professional thus far. No lie, I dislike organized religion. Love, faith, and spirituality, however, are awesome! How can one not appreciate those qualities in mankind or any institution? I respect that they have it and share it among their members. Wish I could be so blessed. However, it’s not in me to pretend I believe in certain things just to harvest the love and warmth of that community. Deceiving! Besides, it’s in me to always see the glass half full and appreciate the goodness in any situation. I believe that I always presented myself as such a person. If anyone has been offended, they misunderstood me. I always appreciate and love what’s good in you. The interaction that did it, where I thought enough is enough, is when she ignored my suggestion to go to a WordPress learning Meetup together to advance our skills. You see, after I had told her that I had started a blog, she wrote that she too was about to start a blog and will share details with me later. So I got excited for her. Thinking to myself, wow, what are the odds that one of my oldest friends is going to be engaged in the same activities as I am. Finally we will be able to collaborate on something together. I tried but never could do anything more!
All these years they both knew that I have been seeking closeness and friendship, but they never invited me into any of their circles such as July 4th camping, Thanksgiving dinners, card games, movie nights, family get-togethers and more. All I was good for is to be seen every 2 months for 2 hours for meals and superficial talks. I could no longer do that without them wanting to grow and develop with me. It was getting boring. I do have to say that both did offer some goodness. But I strongly believe that I always have lowered my expectations in life to see the glass half full. Any other friend at that time would have given me a birthday gift or attended my citizenship ceremony and things in that nature. I appreciated them. However, nothing extraordinary. No jumping through hoops to make my life better. As I had said in a previous post, have a friend for the sake of having a friend. Someone who matches your expectations.
Another interaction that was quite disappointing yet a valuable lesson was my interaction with this guy whom with I had a strong connection with. Long story short, my husband and I have decided that we are separating for reasons that I will not elaborate on at this time. That itself is a story to be told and I look forward to that article. I am grateful, however, that him and I have come to the conclusion to peacefully separate to hopefully begin our next exciting chapter in life. So naturally I am open to meet my one and only. So this guy attracted me cause he sounded nice and after looking at his LinkedIn profile, I wanted to get to know him more. Him and I talked during my customer service job. He, however, despite feeling the connection, looked at my blog site and specifically the characteristic page and decided that we are not a match. Respectable. I honor that. And am happy that I have established a tool that quickly tells prospects who I am. That way we are not wasting time to get to know each other during a lengthy process only to identify that we don’t like each other. Perfect tool for me. As it quickly eliminates unfitting people. However, what was disappointing is that this guy looks at all details on my site and only picks out what he doesn’t like about me to point out. That was a sad moment. And he also tried to infer fears in me and/or bully me before he ceases communication. Fear because he is a network security guy and thinks that revealing one’s personality publicly is dangerous. He also insinuated that my picture is sexually suggestive as I have my hands behind my head on my LinkedIn image. After a few hours of toying with the idea of taking my site down and hide, I chose to laugh. Because I have faith and believe that this is a positive outcome. Let unfitting people fall away fast. Besides I have nothing to hide. How can I become a famous writer/storyteller if I am afraid to publicize my life stories and hide who I am? No fears, as I too would like to be an entertainer and a teacher through my stories. Like so many other bloggers who have accomplished living a successful and an abundant life in the eyes of public, I too will dare. So why not me? There! Plus point is that this guy confirmed that I am sexy. Which woman doesn’t like to hear that? Especially someone like me who wants to succeed in the public eyes. That’s how you can always see the positive in everything.
Valuable lessons of these events and interactions are:
- Get to know yourself as best as you can.
- Honor your values. Refrain from compromising your values to please a community. If you are strong and you’re in the zone, your community too will benefit.
- Love/respect yourself and ALL will love/respect YOU.
- Know what you’re looking for. The more specific you are, the smaller the haystack gets. You will find your needle.
- Drop fears and dare to plunge. What do you have to lose? It will be fun and you might succeed, trying. All my gains have come about when I dared in life. Do it. You can!
Peace and Blessings❤️